lonely

I hate feeling this lonely. It's like this big black hole that I can't get out of. Every time I think about how few friends I have, I start crying. I've tried avoiding the thought by crafting, playing games on the computer, watching Gilmore Girls or shopping, but it always comes back to the same thoughts.

I'm lonely and sad and have very low self-esteem. I put myself down about almost everything. My only friends are Darrell, Tiffany, and Annis, and I talk to them once every few months, at most. I am unmotivated. I don't clean the house like I should, when I should, and I don't wash laundry nearly enough. I don't please Thomas enough sexually and am overall a very bad girlfriend.

My grades for first semester were atrocious due to the fact that I was unmotivated, stupid, and lazy, and I'm not cut out to handle college.

I hate the way things are going.

So are they...

so I guess I have to work tomorrow from 3-9. ]:<

Aquamarine

oh mon dieux. I'm making my mum sign me up for therapy on monday. I've been out of prozac for a couple weeks now. *brain rattles from sadness*

Conforms to ASTM D4239

ok so I got a job at Safeway
and I leave on Monday for Minnesota, for two whole weeks! ^.^
and I'll be going out to dinner with Jerome
this has me reeeally excited
hmm what else
Kourtney gave me her bike, it's this really spiffy red and silver mountain bike, and it kicks butt
Christmas is in a couple days and I haven't bought gifts for anyone yet, cos I don't have any money ) : but I'm getting paid a teeny tiny little paycheck tomorrow so I'll use that...
uhmmm I have a cold
with a runny nose and a sore throat when I sleep and stuff
other than that
life goes on as usual

Who's going to watch you die?

my heart is so broken right now, I can literally feel it aching with every beat. I'm so incredibly sad, it's going to be a paralyzing, dark storm cloud hovering over my day, I can feel it now. Is this what it's like to die, from the inside? is it possible to die from a broken heart? I certainly hope so, because I'm already in hell, so it wouldn't make much difference.

Pace Yourself

blegh. what a shitty day. what a shitty life.
the dance was really fun last night. I enjoyed everyone's company.
I cried for about half an hour today. Then I feel asleep.
more crying to come later, though.
it's inevitable.
32.5 days of agony and sadness past, many more to come as well.
oh motherfucking joy.

"Gee Whiz!"

well gosh, imagine this
I told Josh I liked him
and he told me he likes me back!
so of course now we're going out
homecoming is friday
I hope we go out for awhile?
I think we make a fine couple.
can I get a hoo-hah?